It’s Been a While…

So, it’s been a while. Honestly, I have been wanting to write, but just couldn’t think of anything to write. I’ve been waiting on God. Waiting to see what He wants me to write about. I guess He had other ideas. So I waited. And I prayed. Do I have writer’s block? When I started this blog I wanted each word I type to come from God. So does that mean God has writer’s block? Or is He wanting to teach me something else? Well, since I’m pretty sure God doesn’t get writer’s block, I’ll assume it’s the latter.

So that led me to do some research in the bible about waiting. When I think about the word wait, my head immediately goes to the word patience. Of which I am not good at having!! In fact, I’m horrible at it! But I also think of the word, listen. Wait and listen. When I’m waiting and listening, I’m also learning… with patience. Boy have we all had to have a lot of patience these days! The pandemic has caused a lot to go on pause for a very long time! Talk about being thrown into learning patience! Patience in waiting. Waiting for church to reopen, restaurants to reopen, schools to reopen. Patience being stuck at home with the same people. (And let me tell you, we can get grumpy and mean!) Patience getting back to work for some of us.

Paul had to wait. He really wanted to go to Rome, but it was years before he finally got to go. Nehemiah wanted to rebuild the wall around the temple. He prayed to God regarding this for 4 months until God moved! And then it was another 4 months until he got to the wall to rebuild it! There are multiple stories in the bible about people that have had to wait.

I think God has been teaching me to wait and teaching me patience through all of this. Teaching me to trust. If this pandemic had happened years ago… oh man! I’d be losing my mind! But the cool thing about this is that I’m not! I’m not freaking out! I’m at peace. There’s nothing like God showing you just how far you have come in your faith and trust in Him. And I have to say, it feels good this way. It feels good to be able to know, truly know, that I don’t have to worry because God’s on His throne, He’s in control and always has been. And if He has us, or me, waiting, it’s because He’s just got to mold me a bit more, He’s got more work to do. Then a bit more. Then maybe a little bit more. Once I stopped fighting that process, and letting God do it, things got so much easier, so much more peaceful in my heart.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

So, since the vaccine has been out, more and more people are getting vaccinated now. Things, I’m sure, will slowly start to come back around. Church will re-open, restaurants may start to get back to normal, jobs start up again, or for some, we will start working in the office again and the kids will be going back to school activities again. Slowly, but surely! And I think to myself, am I excited about this? Well, to be honest, it’s bittersweet to me. To be honest, I don’t want things to go back to the way they were. Why, you say? Because I think that before the pandemic and shut down, there was a lot taken for granted. People weren’t spending as much time with their families. Everyone was always rush rush!! Don’t get me wrong! I hate that this pandemic happened. My heart aches for all lives that were lost, lives that were turned upside down, and the hell that people went, and still are, going through. But I’m hoping that when we do get back to ‘normal’, we remember what it was like to not be able to go to church buildings and worship together. We remember what it was like to not be able to meet up with friends at their home just to sit together. What it was like to greet someone with a hug! That we continue to take care of each other the way we have. We remember to spend time with our family, and not put work at the top of our important things to do list. If we have made the new habit of spending time alone with God every day, that we continue to do that. Not just decide to do it ‘if we have time’. That we slow down!! That we keep caring about those who suffer from systemic racism, that changes come!! That we LOVE! Love each other.

I don’t want to lose that as we move forward into this new season. Yes, it’s exciting! Yes, thank goodness there is a vaccine and lives will be saved! But I don’t want to forget what was lost, what this taught me, how our eyes have been opened to so many things.

So maybe this is why it took so long for me to write. I think I needed to be in the place where I am today, right now, for God to say to me, ‘OK, write this!’ I pray that any of the words I have written in this blog help someone, somewhere. Even if only one person reads them, that one person may be the one that God was reaching out to!

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