White Privilege

Have I gotten your attention? Good! I’m gonna go there today. I’m gonna touch on a touchy subject. You see, I have been trying to stay away from the news because our world is just crazy right now. But then I see another video. Another family destroyed because someone was treated differently because of the color of their skin.

I’ve never been a prejudice person. I mean, I married a handsome Native American! His dark skin is one of the things that attracted me to him! However, when it came to people telling me there is white privilege, I would be like, ‘What? No way! I’ve worked hard for what I have! I haven’t had an easy life either! If everyone just works hard, they can eventually have a good life too!’ I wasn’t about to put myself in a category of racism and pride. I had too much pride for that! (Wait, what?)

But these past couple of years, I have been praying a certain Psalm to God. Wanting to allow Him to mold me, teach me, make me who He wants me to be. You know the one…

Search me God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

Yep, that one. Let me tell you something, when you start praying that prayer, God starts working big time! First thing He started working on was pride. I am not better than anyone else, I don’t know everything, I’m not God and how ignorant of me to think that I know more than others on certain subjects! I had my moments of finding these things out the hard way and am still learning, cause things don’t happen overnight.

I started researching. Not just researching things that validate my thought processes, or finding things that I want to hear. That’s not researching. That’s just trying to find confirmation for what you believe. I mean listening to people who have experienced things first hand. Hearing their stories. Talking to them, joining in on discussions. Reading! Opening up to the fact that maybe, just maybe, I’m wrong and there is something going on here. What will it hurt to do that? If I find out differently, no harm done. Just more education.

So I listened, I read, I joined group discussion online, I read more. I allowed myself to move past the pride. I opened my heart. I prayed… please God help me understand. Change my heart of stone to a heart of flesh.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekial 36:26

I needed to stop living in my bubble, because, friends, if you live in Orange County, you are truly living in a bubble.

And there it was! Redlining, Jim Crow laws, the real stories of the Native Americans, (What? That’s not what I learned in school!), whitecapping, the KKK (who are still around), segregation. I mean, black children couldn’t even use the same books as the white kids. I knew about segregation, but not really in depth of it all. RIDICULOUS!!! And the list goes on! Sadly, a lot of these things are still happening today. I urge you to research redlining, which is a clear explanation of systemic racism.

So where did this leave me? All of this new knowledge, hearing first hand experiences from close friends, and I really don’t think I have even touched the surface yet.

My heart dropped… and then it hit the floor… and shattered into a million pieces. And I cried. I cried a lot. And I felt stupid. And then I felt mad at myself for being so ignorant. And then I asked God to forgive me. I’m so sorry God! I wanted to believe that everything was OK, even though it clearly isn’t. We’re not in Heaven. I’m so, so sorry to the people who have been and are being affected by this. I’m so sorry for my ignorance.

So where do we go from here? The one thing that comes to my mind is love. We need to start loving one another! It’s part of the greatest commandments!

Jesus replied, ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the law and prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

Love eachother! It doesn’t say love only the people with the same color of skin as you! It doesn’t say anyone is any better than anyone else so only love those people who are better! It says, ‘love your neighbor as yourself’. So how would you treat yourself?

This is one of the many ways God is working in me. Showing me how to love. Making my heart new again.

I’m sorry, (not sorry), if I’ve made you uncomfortable with this blog. But maybe that’s exactly what God wants to happen. Get uncomfortable! Allow Him to work in your heart! Who knows, maybe YOU are the one He will use to help make things right!